Volume 1: Issue 1
July 7, 2005
shorts or briefs
(which do you prefer?)
Nontana Historical Society convenes
With their rallying call to order, "We just got here!", the members of the Nontana Historical Society held their first monthly meeting on June 27 in the parking lot of Martin's Cafe. Unable to book any of the usual Livingston venues because of their outsider status, this intrepid group of newcomers braved the brisk summer evening to gather and celebrate their family histories.
Leading off an evening that celebrated legacies and lineage, Ms. Latte LeSaab, recently of California and president of the NHS, reminded her audience: "We are people, too!"
Interrupted only by a skirmish in the parking lot with a gang of aggressive 8th generation Montanans, the evening progressed with oral histories and slide shows. Photos of ancestral Nontanans at play were shown as part of the evening's activities.
Verbal terrorist detained at BZN
On June 24 Transportation Security Administration (TSA) personnel detained a Livingston woman as she made her way through the security checkpoint at the Bozeman-Gallatin Field Airport. The woman is on the list of "known or suspected" verbal terrorists maintained by the FBI office in Billings. Under the Patriot Act, the FBI monitors Americans with SAT verbal scores of 650 or higher. Officers seized two fountain pens, a journal, a notebook, excerpts from the Livingston Enterprise Opinions page, and an issue of the New Yorker magazine from her carry-on bag and took her to Billings for further questioning.
Former Livingston resident injured in blast
North Korea detonated a large nuclear device over New Mexico today. Injured in the blast was former Livingston resident John Smith. Smith relocated to Yuma, Arizona in 1989 and was in the basement of his home when the blast occurred. The former Livingston resident was not badly harmed, although he said he will miss Phoenix as well as his annual Fall hunting trips to New Mexico. Smith was born and raised in Choteau and resided in Livingston from February to March 1989.
FEMA declares state of emergency in Montana
The Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) declared a state of emergency for large parts of Montana today. Michael D. Brown, Undersecretary of Homeland Security for Emergency Preparedness and Response said that "irony levels have been dangerously low in Montana for some time" but no one expected the recent and dramatic dive that has plunged the state into near catatonia.
"You can only go so long without the bon mot, the cynical and yet clever turn of phrase, the heightened sense that very little should be taken seriously," said FEMA's Montana coordinator. "Irony levels were up from the average this winter, but have recently plunged again."
Livingston is an area that has been especially hard hit. In the Billings area traffic was backed up for hours as motorists nodded off during the evening commute.
FEMA is implementing a recovery plan and expects to have several busloads of Californians and New Yorkers in the state in the next few days. President Bush was eager to visit the state, a reflection of his deep fondness for irony-free zones.
Yellowstone tourist shot
A tourist with influenza type A wandered away from his campsite in Yellowstone National Park sometime on the night of July 2 and crossed the border into Montana. Rangers speculate that the man's fever disoriented him and that he could not tell the Park boundary. Influenza type A is very contagious and can affect both humans and animals. After testing the man, Montana Fish and Wildlife shot him. This kill brings the total number of Yellowstone tourists who have been euthanized since 1995 to 43, but authorities believe the herd size remains viable.
Scuffle at Martin's ends peacefully
Police were called in the early evening of June 27 to break up a scuffle between members of the Nontana Historical Society (NHS) and the Park County Historical Society (PCHS) in the parking lot at Martin's Cafe. A group of 5 octogenarians from the PCHS arrived during the family history and video portion of the NHS event and began heckling the presenters, according to one observer. An eighty-seven year-old was alleged to be the first into the fracas. Sporting a tee shirt that read "Born Here to Be Wild," he swung his walker at Latte LeSaab, president of the NHS before onlookers grabbed him by the suspenders and calmed him down. The gang of 5 was questioned and released.
Unidentified member of the Park County Historical Society