Volume 1: Issue 6
August 18, 2005
Our readers write
With the recent declaration of war on Maine, I'm wondering if my health insurance covers red tide.
Also, should I be more careful about opening my mail? Should I be on the lookout for a white powdery substance?
Frightened in Glendive
Red tide, unlike anthrax, is red and is caused by a toxic, naturally occurring microscopic phytoplankton called Alexandrium. Shellfish are prone to contamination because they feed by filtering microscopic food out of the water. Toxic plankton are only dangerous for mollusks and crustaceans. If you don't eat those things, you'll be safe. We also recommend not feeding by filtering microscopic food out of the water.
If you actually have health insurance in Montana, you're one of the lucky ones, so stop whining.
The underinsured Editor
My organization would like to boycott Livingston Out Loud, but you don't have any advertisers. How can we exert pressure on your scurrilous rag if there are no advertisers from whom we can withhold our dollars?
Lewis B. Goodfellow
President of the Montanan Anti-Defamation League
You made me look up "scurrilous." We are never foul-mouthed or abusive. Okay, we are never foul-mouthed. I think we can clear up this misunderstanding face to face. Let me take you to lunch at a seafood restaurant where I especially recommend the shellfish.
Because your publication mentioned the fact that celebrities are often seen on Livingston's streets, I've been watching more closely, and the other day I think I saw Donald Rumsfeld. Can you verify from the photo that I snapped?
Your photo (on the left below) is not Donald Rumsfeld (pictured at right). I think the mouth and chin had you fooled.
Your photo appears to be Jack Palance dressed as he was for his role as Mr. Hyde. Donald Rumsfeld is nothing like Jack Palance, although he, too, often plays Mr. Hyde. To be sure, the next time you see this figure, ask him to do a one-handed push-up. Mr. Palance can, while Mr. Rumsfeld cannot.Editor:
My dog Leo has been behaving oddly lately, and since your article on aliens (Volume 1: Issue 3) mentioned that we should be on the lookout for "changes in behavior in our neighbors and fellow citizens," I was wondering if you could help. I've included a picture of Leo.
Ed in Clyde Park
Leo looks normal to me, but you might want to limit his bullets.
Even though reading email distracts us from the real business of this publication, we feel obliged to take your feedback. Please use your favored email address if you want to contact us:
No cussing please. And don't be trying to sell us anything.
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