Livingston Out Loud

Volume 1
October Horoscope

Haywire Astrology
by Anna Norbergino

What's in the stars for you this month?
October horoscopes
by Anna Norbergino

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
Emphasis on animals becomes an obsession. You dream your mother and father are lion/lioness, and, you, the cub, in their company at a restaurant, perusing the menu, ask them if you might order a pony. It is time to do penance.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Static cling is driving you nuts. You desire to move about without sparking, and you cause more friction with association. You disguise yourself as Redi Kilowatt for the upcoming masquerade party. Past this, you have no plan. Lightning bugs congregate on your rear end. Christmas parties will take on new meaning.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Those to whom you are attracted seem startled. Small children no longer make eye contact with you. When you visit the post office or office supply stores, weighing scales fall apart - - parts go flying. Your balance is way off. You feel lust toward “Calvin,” although you know no one by that name. Focus on your mandala. (No, this is not a musical instrument.)

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
You will be at the right place at the wrong time. Mysterious individuals stalk out of many rooms muttering your name. You find yourself thinking Capricorn but ordering caramel corn. You buy a Taurus, and learn it’s a car. You stutter, as you end up telling the dealer it’s something you can’t buy - - - “afford.” Sit tight until a Saturn enters your sign.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Flying Brillo pads interrupt cozy moment. Double coupons mysteriously appear. Flagrant philanderers pellet your mailbox. Philosophical sophists master solidarity on your porch. Redeemable anarchists come over for tea. Serve crumpets, though you will bite off more than you can chew.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
Press your luck and fold your clothes. Finish what you start, then quit. In matters of speculation, stick with 9, or possibly 6...... or possibly just the trimmings of 9 and 6 ( and ) . Much can be said about your whims regarding fortune, yet no one talks, which you find comforting. Removing years of cotton from your ears is advantageous.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Turn close relative over to authorities and don’t look back. Fake a short pass, and try a quarterback sneak. Street person offers you money. You are torn regarding accepting it. You remove yourself from all street scenes. You later learn “The Millionaire” (from long ago television) was the street person. Kicking yourself becomes injurious. Buy a football.

Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20)
Favorable lunar aspect coincides with vigorous philosophical concepts, though pondering of same becomes vague. Your mind takes on a lot of static. Chewing aluminum foil to feed your martyrdom complex is not a good idea. Rid yourself of your rubber band complex. Snap out of it!

Aries (March 21-April 19)
Ridiculous and rudimentary aspects of your griping find foreign ears. Imported stalks of corn in the form of a psychiatrist doll is sent as an anonymous gift. You fail to find humor in this gesture and painstakingly grind the wrong ingredients of humus as a diversion. You need to learn to let go! --- let go!!! --- LET GO!!!!

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Emphasis on imprudence, laxity, and general sloth. Put ducks anywhere but in a row. Swedish Pisces named Lars will saunter by. Rumplestiltskin appears in your broom closet. Grab Lars off the sidewalk. Delusional comfort is sought. Relax.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)
Indulge scientific cravings. Add vinegar to baking soda. Foment uprisings using an alias. Absurdity and nonsense are your best pals for now. Your intellect takes a vacation, yet your mind will appear clear. Romance comes disguised as a covered dish, possibly scalloped potatoes.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)
You need to give. You not only need to give, you need to give, give, GIVE! Fake the need for a new crown to help out an indigent dentist. Think odd, attractive appearing schematics and lease a renown, yet unemployed scientist. Create havoc with navigational sonar, then leap out, throw money about, and JUST TRY to save the day!!!