Scientists link McCain campaign to “Gilligan’s Island”
September 18, 2008 | Filed Under LOL Feature Stories (satire) | One Response
According to a study leaked today by the Institute for Socio-Political Reverberations, political scientists have found a nearly one-to-one correspondence between the 2008 McCain campaign and the famous castaways of “Gilligan’s Island.” In particular, the study notes that the principals in the McCain campaign have been identified as having their roots in, or even a quasi-twinship with, the characters of the legendary 1960’s sitcom.Just as intriguing, according to the unpublished report, the entire premise of “Gilligan’s Island” seemed to presage the McCain campaign as it is today. The researchers have even unearthed a copy of lyrics (at right) that pre-dated the ones that were finally chosen and that became famous during the show’s three year run.The Skipper himself is indisputably John McCain according to the study. After announcing his candidacy on the Letterman Show in February 2007, McCain has led a crew of bumblers on a “two year campaign, a two year campaign,” and the final verse of the theme song includes the trademark McCain invocation of “my friends.”  Gilligan can only be Tucker Bounds, the hapless McCain spokesman who lands on the Skipper’s head every time he attempts a feat beyond his skills, such as climbing a palm tree or being interviewed on cable news.”That Sarah Palin has her roots in Ginger,” said the study, “is a truly remarkable discovery, given that Palin was born during the show’s first season.” The study was funded by earmarks attached to a Senate appropriations bill for a bridge between Alaska and Hawaii, a state that you can actually see from the “uncharted desert isle” of Gillian fame. According to one cultural analyst, “If you didn’t know any better, and, of course, most Americans don’t, you would think that the entire sitcom was meant to implant the idea of a McCain campaign in the American psyche decades ago. And certainly McCain has been around long enough to have played a part, even that of Skipper Jonas Grumby.”
Only segments of the report were leaked, so it remains to be seen what other counterparts can be identified among the castaways. There is suggestive data pointing to either Lynn Forester de Rothschild or Carly Fiorina as Eunice “Lovey” Wentworth Howell, the rich, spoiled socialite, married to Thurston Howell, III. However, Lovey’s kind side would seem to rule both campaign surrogates out. Speculation has tied Cindy McCain The one dissonant note in this otherwise compelling ‘parallel universe’ theory is that not one of McCain’s current staffers has the chops to be the Professor. Students of “Gilligan’s Island” will recall that the Professor was adept at science, well-versed in literature, social sciences, and the arts, and the only one on the island who kept his head in the frequent crises that beset the castaways, which made him something of an interloper on the island. Could this character have been a hint of things to come with Barack Obama? At the very least, the character of the Professor highlights the possibility that the castaways and their twins in the McCain campaign, and, indeed, the entire American “isle,” would be likely to blunder around for an indefinite period of time were it not for the Professor. Perhaps then as now, the Professor remains everyone’s only hope of getting in touch with the mainland. |
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The leaked study included compelling photographic evidence. Click any image for a larger view.
Above: McCain is the Skipper. Below: This draft of lyrics pre-dated the ones ultimately used by the show. Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, A tale of a fateful trip That started from the Letterman show Aboard this tiny ship. The mate was a mighty military man, The skipper brave and sure. Five passengers set sail that day For a two year campaign, a two year campaign. The weather started getting rough, The tiny ship was tossed, If not for the courage of the fearless crew McPalin would be lost, McPalin would be lost. The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle With Gilligan The Skipper too, The millionaire and his wife, The movie star The professor and Mary Ann, Here on Gilligans Isle. So this is the tale of the candidates, They’re here for a long, long time, They’ll have to make the best of things, It’s an uphill climb. The VP candidate and the Skipper too, Will do their very best, To make the others toe the line, In the tropic island nest. No phone, no lights no motor cars, Not a single BlackBerry, Like Robinson Crusoe, As primitive as can be. So join us here each week my friends, You’re sure to get a smile, From seven stranded castways, Here on “Gilligan’s Isle.” Is the smart and capable Professor linked to Obama? He certainly organized the Island community, and was the only one with the skills to reach out to the mainland. |
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This sort of scholarly work brings out the experts. Here’s an observation I received in email:
“Wasn’t Phil Gramm McCain’s professor until he was voted off the island (perhaps the prelude to the modern Survivor series)? Joe Lieberman stepped in as the role of the professor – always whispering in McCain’s ear.”