Obama chooses pastor for invocation
December 21, 2008 | Filed Under LOL Feature Stories (satire) | No Responses
In a continuing spirit of outreach, and to reward the eighty million evangelical voters who were largely 
responsible for 
putting him in the White House, President Elect Barack Obama has invited the Reverend Rick Warthog of the fundamentalist mega-church Six Flags Over Jesus to deliver the invocation at his inauguration. The decision met with a firestorm of opposition from several million gays, but the Obama staff defended the move saying “that Gays are way too sensitive. And besides, we already have their money from the campaign.”
The openly-obese Reverend Warthog preaches and promotes dogma that is disturbing to many progressives, including the belief that the earth was formed 375 years ago, Cher is God’s punishment for being gay, and homosexuality “can be cured like hams are cured, by hangin’ them in a small dark place and smokin’ them for a really long time.” (Click the Six Flags Over Jesus logo to see a recent brochure from the church.)
Warthog is the author of “The Porpoise Driven Life,” a bestseller inspired 
by his observations of the thousands of visitors to the Jesus and the Fishers of Men exhibit in the aquatic pavilion at his Six Flags Over Jesus mega church. The exhibit seeks to prove that people who claim to be saved by porpoises can be taught to accept Jesus as their real savior.
Other attractions at the church include the ever popular Whack-A-Gay game. “The kids really love this one,” according to an announcement in the church’s weekly bulletin from November 9 celebrating “God’s victory in passing Proposition 8.” Any age can play, and the game touts “enormous success in showing young people how God wants them to respond to gays as well as giving them an idea of how to respond to their own homosexual impulses.”
There is some speculation among those who are mystified by the Obama choice of Reverend Warthog to make history with him on January 20 that the pastor offered the Obama kids free E-tickets (Eternity tickets) to all Six Flags Over Jesus attractions in exchange for the chance to send the world the message that America is still a “truly Christian nation.”
Meanwhile, plans move forward for the Skinhead Ball, one of many events the Obama team is planning for the night of inaugural partying.
At left: Kids at Six Flags Over Jesus show their Christian mettle in a game of Whack-A-Gay.
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