Obama chooses pastor for invocation
December 21, 2008 | Filed Under LOL Feature Stories (satire) | Leave a Comment
In a continuing spirit of outreach, and to reward the eighty million evangelical voters who were largely 
responsible for 
putting him in the White House, President Elect Barack Obama has invited the Reverend Rick Warthog of the fundamentalist mega-church Six Flags Over Jesus to deliver the invocation at his inauguration. The decision met with a firestorm of opposition from several million gays, but the Obama staff defended the move saying “that Gays are way too sensitive. And besides, we already have their money from the campaign.”
The openly-obese Reverend Warthog preaches and promotes dogma that is disturbing to many progressives, including the belief that the earth was formed 375 years ago, Cher is God’s punishment for being gay, and homosexuality “can be cured like hams are cured, by hangin’ them in a small dark place and smokin’ them for a really long time.” (Click the Six Flags Over Jesus logo to see a recent brochure from the church.)
Warthog is the author of “The Porpoise Driven Life,” a bestseller inspired 
by his observations of the thousands of visitors to the Jesus and the Fishers of Men exhibit in the aquatic pavilion at his Six Flags Over Jesus mega church. The exhibit seeks to prove that people who claim to be saved by porpoises can be taught to accept Jesus as their real savior.
Other attractions at the church include the ever popular Whack-A-Gay game. “The kids really love this one,” according to an announcement in the church’s weekly bulletin from November 9 celebrating “God’s victory in passing Proposition 8.” Any age can play, and the game touts “enormous success in showing young people how God wants them to respond to gays as well as giving them an idea of how to respond to their own homosexual impulses.”
There is some speculation among those who are mystified by the Obama choice of Reverend Warthog to make history with him on January 20 that the pastor offered the Obama kids free E-tickets (Eternity tickets) to all Six Flags Over Jesus attractions in exchange for the chance to send the world the message that America is still a “truly Christian nation.”
Meanwhile, plans move forward for the Skinhead Ball, one of many events the Obama team is planning for the night of inaugural partying.
At left: Kids at Six Flags Over Jesus show their Christian mettle in a game of Whack-A-Gay.
Liberal agenda found at Livingston cafe
December 15, 2008 | Filed Under LOL News Shorts or Briefs? (satire) | Leave a Comment
Everyone has heard about the Liberal agenda, most recently in the past election year, as the right wing’s intellectual arm–Rush Limbaugh, Pat Buchanan, Sarah Palin–sought to frighten voters into denying Barack Obama the presidency and Congress its progressive majority. But very few have seen it.
But now a customer at a Livingston, Montana cafe can rightly claim that there is a very real Liberal agenda. He has seen it for himself. “Oh, it exists alright,” said Coleman Pendergrass over morning coffee at Pinky’s Cafe yesterday. “Two days ago, I was having me a Breakfast Gordito with extra ham at the counter when I noticed a slip of paper sticking out from underneath the edge of the counter. I was pretty surprised when I opened it up and saw what looked like a shopping list, except there was no beans or beer on that list, just stuff like ‘Save the black-footed ferret; re-read Constitution and find more ways to apply it; support Adam and Steve; find new ways to praise Fidel Castro especially now that he is really, really old; find new ways to praise Ronald Reagan, especially now that he is really, really dead; and order more Chardonnay and cilantro for the weekend study group.’”
Historians and other researchers have not yet had the chance to study the document, but are intrigued by the mix of items both old and new.
Meanwhile, the FBI, called in by local police to investigate the document, is trying to determine if there is any relationship to the Homosexual agenda found last month in a Beverly Hills bistro.
This just in: Right wing intellectual arm found in Greenville, North Carolina dumpster. Police have no leads on how or why this odd body part was left in the garbage behind a WalMart.