I plead the 4th
September 7, 2007 | Filed Under Funny (sheesh), not funny (ha-ha) | Leave a Comment
I hope you all remember that nice relic from our no longer used US Constitution, the good old 4th Amendment:
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.
I liked it and I bet you did, too. Now that it is pretty much gone, you can’t blame me for a moment of worry when I found out this morning, as I looked at the LOL dot com visitor traffic report, that the United States Senate Office of the Sergeant at Arms had visited the Jon Tester article 4 times from senate.gov.
I had to look up what the Sarge does for the Senate because that title is a bit ominous. His full title is Sergeant at Arms and Doorkeeper and he is “elected by the members, serves as the protocol and chief law enforcement officer and is the principal administrative manager for most support services in the United States Senate.” Here are some of his duties:
- “Maintaining security in the Capitol and all Senate buildings, as well as protection of the members themselves.”
- With the largest staff and budget in the Senate, the Sarge’s office is responsible for all Senate computers and technology support services.
- “Other services include Capitol Facilities, the Operations Division, Customer Relations, Financial Operations, Human Resources, and Information Security.”
- “The protocol responsibilities include escorting the President and other heads of state or official guests of the Senate who are attending official functions in the Capitol; making arrangements for funerals of senators who die in office. . . .”
So he’s like a cop who handles tours and is a sometime funeral director. This should increase or decrease my concern about his visits? You be the judge. But let’s get back to our tax dollars at work, at least between 6:09:32 and 8:18:16 this morning. According to my site traffic report, the first hit (and the third) from senate.gov came directly to the “Ted Kennedy calls Jon Tester ‘Mister President!’” article. Now that’s a bit odd for the very first hit because, unless you had the full URL to the article, how would you know it was there? Most folks come to the blog first, then click on the article. Or they land on the article page because that exact URL came up in search engine result, which is exactly how the Sergeant At Arms, or perhaps one of his staff people, like the Private at Arms, arrived at the article’s page in the second visit. He, she, or it searched for “jon tester” using a blog search engine. The other direct route is to click on a link someone sent you in an email, and that is how the fourth visit to LOL occurred.
I blush a little with pride when I mention that LOL was first in those blog search results. Reminds me of the time I won first prize in a county essay contest on “The Importance of the Single Vote” in my native Pittsburgh. I was 12. But now I’m just trying to impress you. But don’t you think it’s ironic that I wrote about the single vote, subsequently wrote an article for the Livingston Weekly last November about how I was going to withhold that vote from Mister President Tester because of his poopy position on a civil rights issue (i.e. gay marriage), and then had the Sergeant At Arms hanging out on my server?
Of course, as I think about that search result, I feel a little nervous. I don’t want the attention, really I don’t. Maybe I should get myself a Lieutenant at Arms? I could use a little help with Doorkeeping and Financial Operations. Apart from my own concern that the death of the 4th Amendment means I could be a person to be seized, without a warrant or probable cause, I am troubled that people on the internet will stumble upon things I’ve written and think that it matters. I think Tester’s efforts to promote organic farming are far more important. (I’m serious.)
Now let me put you at ease here as I mention all of this site traffic information. I can’t tell anything more than what Web site/ISP/IP address someone came from; that data is basic public stuff anyway. You see, I don’t want you to be nervous about visiting LOL. However, I would understand if you didn’t want to meet me for coffee, or visit my house which by now is probably bugged.