Dozens of Livingstanis gather to celebrate independence
November 27, 2007 | Filed Under LOL News Shorts or Briefs? (satire) | Leave a Comment
Ringed by high and rugged mountains, beset by tribal strife, short on GNP, and subject to harsh winters, the newly formed province of Livingstan has long borne a striking 
resemblance to the other ’stans, like Pakistan, Uzbekistan, Afghanistan, Kurdistan, Bashkortostan, Turkestan, Tajikistan, Hindustan, Kyrgyzstan and Lazistan. Today it joined forces with the larger region of Parkistan (the county formerly known as Park) that surrounds it in asserting its stature as an independent entity.
Livingstan has adopted sister cities in the past, but that did not quench its thirst for recognition as a cow and rail town with international aspirations. In addition, there are natural synergies with the ’stans. Take Uzbekistan where 34.1% of the population is younger than 14. Judging by the cinematic fare that enjoys 30-week runs at Livingstan’s Empire Theater, most of the Livingstan population is under 12. Like ’stanis from across the seas, Livingstanis also like to wear funny hats. Montana and Kyrgyzstan are sister states already, increasing the ’stan synergy. 
As is true for all the other ’stans, the overwhelming majority of Americans could not locate Livingstan on a map if programming their TV remote controls depended on it. Livingstan is a province in the American state of Montana, itself long regarded as a fiercely independent geographical, cultural, and political entity.
Like Afghanistan, Livingstan is an ancient focal point of trade and migration, and has experienced ongoing lawlessness. Like the other ’stans, Livingstan is not a glitzy destination, although it is invaded from time to time. Not to be confused with Lesbekistan, an independent province of San Francisco, Livingstan also enjoys a strategic location, and, in spite of political instability, believes that it has a bright future as a source of recycled plastic materials gathered by hat-wearing natives from fences and shrubbery after the daily wind gusts.
Livingstan has recently chosen a democratic way of life as old dynastic traditions fade away. Today it joined Parkistan in breaking away from Montana and the US, and adopted Parkistani currency. Now all the Livingstanis need is an official state language.
At left: Proposed flag design for the province of Livingstan.
Livingston takes a break from Ps and Qs
September 6, 2007 | Filed Under LOL News Shorts or Briefs? (satire) | Leave a Comment
Generations of advice notwithstanding, Livingstonians have stopped minding their Ps and Qs. It started simply enough about a year and a half ago, about the same time as folks were getting rich from the Livingston housing boom, and dog houses on the east side hit the market at $175K. Heady with our newfound importance, a few residents stopped yielding to the car approaching from the right at four-way intersections without stop signs. Then residents began taking cell phone calls in restaurants and other public places. Sunday churchgoers soon found the liturgy interrupted by “Where are you? 
Church. Yeah. Okay. Okay, yeah. She did? Uh-huh. Order me the pizza with pesto. Garden salad. Yeah. Okay. Bye.” Funerals were held up as astonished black-clad mourners found red cowboy shirts in their midst. Red boots, too. Soon even schoolchildren were saying the b-word.
While no-one seems to know what a P or a Q is, people in town are tossing them out with a Bozeman-like abandon. Back in the day, minding your Ps and Qs meant “don’t talk back to your father.” Nowadays it stands for, “For god’s sake, Eddy, take that gun out of your sister’s face. You know how daddy feels about you using his 357.” So who knows what will happen next in the town that courtesy seems to be forgetting.
Beefy assault occurs as town descends into P&Qlessness
September 6, 2007 | Filed Under LOL News Shorts or Briefs? (satire) | Leave a Comment
A clerk at a convenience store was smacked with a length of beef jerky by an unknown assailant who sped away in a truck with a 49 license plate. Witnesses say that the clerk made the fatal error of saying “have a nice day” after 10:30 PM. This reporter wants to know, could this be part of the downward spiral we are in as the town stops minding its Ps and Qs?