Livingston takes a break from Ps and Qs
September 6, 2007 | Filed Under LOL News Shorts or Briefs? (satire) | Leave a Comment
Generations of advice notwithstanding, Livingstonians have stopped minding their Ps and Qs. It started simply enough about a year and a half ago, about the same time as folks were getting rich from the Livingston housing boom, and dog houses on the east side hit the market at $175K. Heady with our new-found importance, a few residents stopped yielding to the car approaching from the right at four-way intersections without stop signs. Then residents began taking cell phone calls in restaurants and other public places. Sunday churchgoers soon found the liturgy interrupted by “Where are you? 
Church. Yeah. Okay. Okay, yeah. She did? Uh-huh. Order me the pizza with pesto. Garden salad. Yeah. Okay. Bye.” Funerals were held up as astonished black-clad mourners found red cowboy shirts in their midst. Red boots, too. Soon even schoolchildren were saying the b-word.
While no-one seems to know what a P or a Q is, people in town are tossing them out with a Bozeman-like abandon. Back in the day, minding your Ps and Qs meant “don’t talk back to your father.” Nowadays it stands for, “For god’s sake, Eddy, take that gun out of your sister’s face. You know how daddy feels about you using his 357.” So who knows what will happen next in the town that courtesy seems to be forgetting.
Beefy assault occurs as town descends into P&Qlessness
September 6, 2007 | Filed Under LOL News Shorts or Briefs? (satire) | Leave a Comment
A clerk at a convenience store was smacked with a length of beef jerky by an unknown assailant who sped away in a truck with a 49 license plate. Witnesses say that the clerk made the fatal error of saying “have a nice day” after 10:30 PM. This reporter wants to know, could this be part of the downward spiral we are in as the town stops minding its Ps and Qs?
Livingston man nabs Al Qaeda chief
August 25, 2007 | Filed Under LOL News Shorts or Briefs? (satire) | 1 Comment
He accomplished the mission that the Bush administration could not. And he did it all with a simple but heartfelt slogan on the back of his pickup truck, and at no cost to taxpayers.
An unidentified Livingston man was seen 
driving around town today with Osama bin Laden in handcuffs, like a trophy from the hunt. Many have seen the message on this ubiquitous truck, “Hey Osama Kiss My American Ass,” and few doubted that this patriotic sentiment would lead to the ultimate surrender of the Al Qaeda chief.
Reportedly bin Laden was returning to the Billings airport from a recent visit to a sleeper cell in the Helena area when his entourage decided to drive through Livingston. Whether they hoped to recruit here, or they had simply read about Livingston’s recent tourism award is unknown. Details of what happened next are
sketchy at best, and ‘American Ass’ has yet to come forward to fill in the gaps.
Not everyone is convinced that the case is closed, however. Mary Ellen Beaudelair, a cashier at Pamida claims Mr. Ass purchased an Osama bin Laden hand puppet at the store last week. At least one woman doubts the existence of “any links between [Mr. Ass] and anyone from Al Qaeda. It’s a damn puppet he’s got in that truck. I’d bet my American ass on that.”
As for this reporter, still stinging from the confiscation of her hair gel at the Bozeman airport a couple of weeks ago, I am jealous of anyone who could get through airports while looking very much like Osama bin Laden, not to mention anyone with an entourage.